


instead of happy childhoods

by murdershewrote



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Assassination, Backstory, Child Soldiers, Gen, Growing Up, Moral Ambiguity, Pre-Canon, Terrorism, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 16:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11718501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdershewrote/pseuds/murdershewrote
Summary: Jyn kills her first man when she is eight years old.





	instead of happy childhoods

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the book ‘Dispatches’ by Michael Herr: “Vietnam was what we had instead of happy childhoods.”

Jyn kills her first man when she is eight years old, less than a year after seeing someone die in front of her for the first time. (She has seen many deaths since then.) The target is a director, a word she is unfamiliar with but knows from the tone of voice is a curse, an evil thing. Jyn hovers on the outskirts because she is only a child in a room full of killers, and as the weeks pass tensions run high. Time is running out.

The Director is having a parade, which should make him an easy target, but this planet is making it difficult. A backwater, the planet hasn't even industrialized, which means roofs too low for a sniper, no sewers in which to plant bombs, too few people to hide in the crowd, and no spaceports from which to steal a ship to crash. The partisans have no problem with suicide missions as long as the missions are successful, but nobody wants to die pointlessly.

 

Jyn wanders around the village, just an innocent girl traveling with her trader father. Out in the field she sees Ama'ta, one of the other kids she's 'befriended'. (Jyn knows even now that friends are not possible for people like her.) But Ama'ta isn't watching her family's herd like normal. Jyn crouches down in the dirt, next to her.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, hi Lianna!" Ama'ta smiles sunnily, unperturbed by Jyn's appearance. "I'm picking flowers."

"Why?"

"To give to the lady, silly! Mama says if I pick enough pretty flowers I can give it to her in person. I've never met a lady. I bet she's really pretty and-"

Jyn tunes out the rest of Ama'ta's chattering, an idea forming in her mind.

"Can I help?" Jyn interrupts Ama'ta, remembering at the last second to look appropriately excited about the 'lady'.

"Sure," Ama'ta beams.

 

Most of the Partisans ignore Jyn, which suits her fine. Tyx stares, though, and not just because one of his eyes doesn't work. The whole left side of Tyx's body is twisted and warped with burns. Jyn hadn't understood why the others avoided him until she saw him throw a bundle of wires and metal he'd been fiddling with in his bunk at a low-flying ship and blow it out of the air. Explosives, Jyn learns, are Tyx's specialty.

In the chaos of the base, Tyx's space is calm. Jyn picks her way over to him, taking care not to step on anything. She sits close enough that were something to go wrong she would surely be blown to pieces, but she's not too worried. Tyx has been doing this for years and only blown himself half up, so she thinks she's safe for a few minutes. Besides, if she gets her way, she'll come much closer to bombs than this.

With a low voice and steady hands, Tyx tells her about explosions, blast radius, force per square inch, firing mechanisms, and failsafes. Under his careful direction, she strings together several standard grenades, ties them together so with a single pull she can release all their firing pins at once. Jyn commits all his words to memory, but it's his last ones that echo in her mind.

"Remember, kid," he'd told her, "the best kill is _over_ kill."

Two grenades could probably do the job just fine, but Jyn takes six, carefully hidden by wildflowers and grasses. Ama'ta's 'lady' will be the one accepting the flowers, but her husband is the target. Jyn needs to kill him; any guards and attendants are just a bonus.

 

On parade day, Jyn slips out of base and makes her way into town, where she stands with Ama'ta's family, flowers at the ready. The procession comes into view and Jyn freezes. There, sitting in a hovercar, is the shape of her nightmares. There is a man with a white suit and cape and Jyn knows that 'director' really means devil, the specter from her nightmares. Ama'ta runs ahead and hands her flowers off to the lady with a blush. The lady sees Jyn and her flowers and mistakes murderous rage for stage fright.

"It's all right, no need to be afraid. Those are beautiful flowers."

Ama'ta runs back and impatiently tugs Jyn's arm. Jyn goes, long hair obscuring bright eyes. She tries to avoid the man but the lady brings him forward.

"Don't worry, I know he looks regal in his robes, but really he's very kind."

Jyn doesn't dare look at him, worried her face will betray her. With shaking hands, she hands the bouquet off to the lady.

The pin pulls.

Jyn drops into a curtsey and then turns tail and runs with the lady's laughter at her supposed bashfulness echoing in her ears. The laughter cuts off with a tremendous bang, and then there are only screams.

 

Saw tells Jyn she killed the director, his wife, six guards, and two civilians. Jyn doesn't ask if Ama'ta was one of the dead. Tyx gives her a smile, twisted by burns. None of Saw’s people ever question Jyn’s presence again. 

She’s one of them now, a rebel, a killer.

**Author's Note:**

> Please point out any grammar/spelling errors and let me know if I need to warn for anything else. 
> 
> Blanket permission for transformative works and collections. 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr.](http://murdersshewrote.tumblr.com)


End file.
